I've been meaning to write a new blog post, but have nothing to write about. So, since my creativity and idea-creating-abilities are obnoxiously finite, I will occasionally be posting columns that I have written in the past for the North Star.
CRAFT QUEEN ENTERTAINS MANY- Celebrity homemaker teaches imperfection
You know who's awesome? Martha Stewart.
She fascinates me, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's her voice, which sounds extremely nice and proper but occasionally breaks when she is trying to hold herself back from being an insane, controlling craft monster. Maybe it's her sophisticated baked goods and color palette that I like. Then again, maybe I just inhaled too much emerald-green glitter while making my decorative Christmas pinecones.
Seriously, you guys. My lungs burn.
I first became intrigued by her when watching an episode of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" on which she was a guest. Whenever Stewart is a guest on "Late Night," she always brings some sort of craft to show O'Brien. On this episode, she came armed with two cans of paint from her line of Valspar paint colors and some sort of ridiculous paint brush roller that created a wood grain print on walls. I'm not sure why anyone would want walls with a fake blue and white wood pattern stamped on them, but I do know that watching O'Brien go through that process while Stewart stood back and watched is one of the most fascinating things I've ever seen.
She looked incredibly uncomfortable, which was so much fun to watch that I spent the entire segment watching her instead of O'Brien, which is saying something considering the fact that O'Brien is six foot four, has a bright orange pompadour hairdo that makes him six foot eight and tends to dance around a lot. It was at this moment that I went from a Martha dissenter to a Martha convert.
Now, I know that at this point Stewart is mostly known among our generation for her five-month-long trip to a federal prison in regards to some insider trading that she was involved with. I know that she apparently lost a lot of her credibility because of that, and I think that's fair. Not everyone can handle having a public figure who is basically a combination of June Cleaver and Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopez from TLC. I, on the other hand, happen to think that her conviction made her even more appealing. Sure, she still spends the majority of her time making cupcakes shaped like tiny houses for elves, but now she does it with an edge.
When you watch "The Martha Stewart Show," which is her daytime talk show on which a surprising number of A-list celebrities often appear, you can't help but sit there and think, "You know, if she wanted to hit Nick Jonas on the back of the head with the decorative towel rack she and the Jonas Brothers just made out of sticks and rocks found in her backyard, I bet she totally would."
I suppose the point of this is that Stewart is like the ultimate good girl gone bad, and that it's always fun to watch perfect people falter a little bit. Or, as trips to federal prisons generally go, falter a lot. Stewart is like a Stepford wife with an evil streak, and that's incredibly entertaining.
Whenever I think about Martha Stewart, I think about this video clip that got played over and over again on "The Daily Show" the week that she got released. She was standing in her garden outside of her house, looking over her fence at the large crowd of media members holding cameras and notebooks. One media member yelled out the question "What did you miss while you were in prison?" Stewart's response completely sums up everything that she means to me.
"I really love lemons," said Stewart. "These are the first lemons I've had in five months. I really missed some lemons. Oh, and my family and friends too."
Column end, back to blog
So, yeah. I found a video of Conan on The Martha Stewart Show's 500th episode for your viewing pleasure.
I would so buy everything I own at a combination Conan O'Brien/Martha Stewart store.
