Insert Pun on Seoul

I love ridiculous things. When I have a kitchen of my very own, nothing in it will be without whimsy. Panda skillets, knife sets that look like a person being stabbed and 19th century Morse Code-inspired pendants are on my list of wants.

When it comes to music, I am no different. Sure, I'm quite serious when it comes to my favorites, but one can't listen to one's favorites 24/7.

This is where the K-Pop comes in. Some of it is laughable, some of it is obnoxious and some of it is amazing, but all of it is preposterous. And therefore, I bring you my top 5 favorite K-Pop videos at this moment in time.


1. "A Yo" by G-Dragon



Besides the fact that this song is good on it's own and that G-Dragon is hands down my favorite K-Pop star, this is one of the best music videos ever, the world over.


2. "Ring Ding Dong" by SHINee



Judging by the costuming and hair presented in this video, everyone in South Korea is Lady Gaga.


3. "Sorry Sorry" by Super Junior



Super Junior is a THIRTEEN PIECE BOY BAND. They made a movie called "Attack on the Pin-Up Boys," which is also known by what I think is a much better title, "Flower Boys' Series of Terror Events." It's pretty ridiculous, but it's actually, legitimately good too. It's posted on Youtube with English subtitles in 8 parts. Did I mention that there are THIRTEEN PEOPLE?! My favorite member is Shindong, pick yours!


4. "Mirotic" by DBSK



It always cracks me up when men wear nothing under suit jackets. Like the ladies are going to swoon, saying "Look! He's cut and he's dapper! Thank God he almost got dressed so that we could see his style!"

That video is unwatchably terrible, but the dance version is amazing:




5. "Rainism" by Rain



Dear Korean Pop Star Rain,

You take yourself so seriously that it's making the rest of us uncomfortable.

Sincerely,
Everyone Who Has Ever Heard Of You

PS: The special effects in Ninja Assassin were shit.


BONUS! YAY!
"Strong Baby" by Seung Ri feat. G-Dragon



This video isn't particularly exciting, which is why it wasn't on the main list, but I decided that it had to be on here in some way. This song gets the 1st place prize in terms of ridiculousness.

BUT CATS ARE FOR DELICIOUS!

Peta: They think it's evil to own a pet, but objectifying women is totally fine.

I'm all about the causes.

As a white person, being indignant is kind of my thing.

But PETA makes me want to punch a baby sometimes.

Read: Who Would Eat a Sea Kitten?

This whole campaign is rather offensive, really. PETA's issues are so first world. There are villages where people's entire livelihood comes from fishing, but no, make them stop providing for their families!

And the whole idea that people only eat fish because they are un-adorable animals with a bad rap is ridiculous. Do you know why people eat fish? Because fish are FUCKING EDIBLE. It's not like Neanderthals were like, "Ah, what will we eat? All of these animals are so cute and cuddly! Oh look, that has scales! OM NOM NOM." It's more likely that it went down like this: "UHG, GROG HUNGRY...TINY CHIPMUNK APPETIZER NOT ENOUGH. THIS LOOKS LIKE IT IS FOOD, AND ALSO BARG ATE ONE AND DID NOT DIE. OM NOM NOM."

Promoting fish as the kittens of the sea is a ploy that will only mean something to people who already agree with PETA. No carnivore or pescatarian is going to see this and go "Oh God, I'm going to stop eating fish because they're actually kittens!"

Also, I'm pretty sure they eat cats in parts of China. So somewhere out there there is an Asian person reading that article and saying "MMM...fish and cat! It's double dericious!"

Regardless, I did take the step to make my own Sea Kitten, who may not look edible but would probably be beaten up at a sports bar:



And so, in conclusion, PETA has the marketing ideas of a 7-year-old girl and they suck at Photoshop:

I'm Going to Need Some Shades

I plan on entering the writing/publishing business in about 5 years. Sometimes, I worry that it will be hard for me to find a job. I worry that I'll be a guppy in an ocean of sharks. And then I see things like this:

That's the abortion graphic from CBS/AP. Hey, good job you guys.

Associated Press and Columbia Broadcasting System: forever assuring me of future employment opportunities.

AWOOOOO!

This is George Bluth's favorite song.

And the award for most hilarious dance moves gos to:



The outfit/location combinations in this video slay me. First she's in her black cutout bodysuit thing on Mars/Narnia/the lining of someones stomach/whatever else that red sparkly stuff could be, which is pretty appropriate. A ridiculous location warrants ridiculous clothes. But then she's in a nightclub in the same outfit, which makes no sense. But wait, there's a real wolf there! Is that ridiculous enough for her to be wearing a cutout bodysuit? Where's Carson Kressley when you need him (or even just in general)? Next shes Carrie Bradshaw (if Carrie Bradshaw had slick disco-ballet-tribal-kickboxing moves like that) WITHOUT SHOES on top of a roof.

I think my favorite thing about this song is a lyric in the first verse: "Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy." As in:

Steve: Honey, I feel like somethings been coming between us lately. I feel like it's been hard to connect to you on a personal level. Do you have any idea why I could be feeling this way?
Linda: Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy.
Steve: Ok, I get that. I wondered what was up with all of the extra hair getting stuck in the shower drain, too.

Yeah, Shakira. Super realistic.

But at least this video has given us one good thing:

Decisions, Decisions

Television of your hopes and dreams.

Season 3 of Mad Men and Season 1 of Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami both premiere tonight at 10.

WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO WATCH???

KABOOM, Your Heart Stopped

Turns out OxiClean wasn't Billy Mays' favorite white powder.

You'd think he already would have already had enough powerful substances to get high with without turning to coke. OxiClean is nothing to sniff at.

Got Milk?

Harvey Milk with boyfriend Scott Smith

I ran across this picture while surfing the world wide web (hello, I just arrived here from 1997) and it made me really happy.

I can't believe that people who define themselves with "Morals and Family Values" choose to hate love. So ridiculous.

Candlelight March held after Milk's assassination.

Stay off the Twinkies, you guys.

____________________

On to more modern things...

John Bolton, the former US Ambassador to the UN, was on the Daily Show last night. That guy is awful. He finished off the interview by stating that he doesn't want any country to have nuclear weapons except the United States, which is insane. What makes us qualified to have WMDs over any other country? Who died and made us king? I don't understand what makes conservatives think that we have the right to rule the rest of the world.

Also, if you ever start to look like this:

It's officially time to shave the ol' stache.